Hank, I hate change, but when I look back at the last five years I can’t help but think that things have changed for the better. For instance, I used to not have a kid who could say ‘Awesome.’

And that is why tipping kills Time Lords. I don’t kno- what-how did I get here?

And I think the number one reason why I do it, is because it’s the thing to do. The more I think about it, the more I realize that pretty much everything I do, I do because it’s the thing to do, and I don’t know why the thing to do is the thing to do, it just is. Sometimes I feel like my entire life is just one long string of ‘That’s the thing to do.” GET OUT, THING TO DO, I DON’T NEED YOU, I MAKE MY OWN THINGS TO DO! I don’t, my brain is incapsulated by this culture and it makes me do all the things to do. Not that I mind, I mean most of the things to do are pretty cool.

My personal inability to do math in my head is probably responsible for my most generous tips.

Good morning, John. Today I want to delve into a peculiar practice of that most mysterious of cultures: the American. It’s a deeply illogical practice, economically challenging, psychologically dubious. I will regularly give money to people who are not asking for it. I’m not required by law to do this, but I feel as if I should.

Are you a sword? You don’t look like a sword. You are a sword, holy crap!

I went out my door, and there was a floaty person.

I want that sword so hard. Give it!

I have a problem with jumping across cliffs.

I thought I would just look really derpy first.